When Your Expat Plan Doesn’t Go To Plan…

Just when everything starts to feel right, everything changes again. Sound familiar? Yep, another move is on the cards.

This was not in the plan. The *plan* was to do 3-4 years in Bangkok and then move back to England.

Well, that plan didn’t happen.

I worried about a lot of things before we moved to Thailand. My husband hating his job was not one of them. But that’s what happened. Just when I’d got into my groove – made friends, found myself smiling when I walked down the street because I WAS MAKING THIS WORK!! – was when the penny dropped. Things were working out great for me, but not for him. Outside work – everything was wonderful. But at work…not so much. And life’s too short and too precious to be made completely miserable by a job.

I didn’t want to leave Bangkok, but that was preferable to seeing my usually un-stressable husband stressed to his limit. And when I say see him…I hardly ever saw him because he was always at the office.

So, two years in and my husband moved to Germany while I stayed in Bangkok to see out the school year and then up sticks to Deutschland…which, I may remind you, was NOT IN THE PLAN.

But, you know, you deal with stuff. So we came up with a new plan. I won’t give the plan an identifying letter, because by the time I get to the end of this post I will be at Plan Z. The new plan was we’d stay in Germany for a good few years. I was pitching for 5 years, minimum. We liked it, the work/life balance was great, we love the school, it’s not far from family back in the UK. We got a dog, we started to feel settled.

And then, once again – plot twist! – my husband’s company division was sold off. Yep, the stable, family owned company that we thought would be practically a ‘job for life’. Who’d have thunk it? Not me. And not after only having moved four months previously…

Fast forward to now…

Well, there is good news. My husband has found a job with another company, and it’s one he’s really excited about.

The not so good news is…it’s in Paris.

Gah.

Yes, I KNOW that Paris is wonderful, and excuse me for my moan, but I think where we are right now is wonderful. It’s been nearly two years of putting in the effort and making friends. Creating a new mental map of a whole new place. Finding a doctor, a dentist, learning the language (ahem, learning a bit of the language), figuring out where best to buy groceries…basically just building a life. And one that we love.

But hang on. We’re not moving…yet. Because – for all the reasons I have ranted about above – we decided the kids and I will stay here and my husband will commute. The idea – I’m not going to say ‘the plan’ because as soon as I utter those words everything cocks up – is that we’ll do this so he can get sorted in his new job and we’ll move next summer.

Seems sensible? Or stupid?

Well we’ve made the choice now and we’re going to have to make it work.

If we’d stuck to the original plan, we’d be about to leave Bangkok now. Possibly without my husband as the stress may have killed him. We wouldn’t have had all these great experiences in Germany. He wouldn’t have found this great new role. We wouldn’t have a dog.

It’s a bit like that film, Sliding Doors, where you can imagine the different outcome of your life had you made a different choice. But I think that, plan or no plan, right here is where I am meant to be right now.

As a wise man once said (or rather sang) –

 

And, do you know what’s funny? When I searched online for that quote, this was the first thing that came up:

Ok, so it’s not exactly serendipity (I was searching John Lennon quote…and this is a John Lennon quote – so exactly what I had looked for. Which makes it the opposite of serendipity). But in writing this post I was in danger of kicking myself off again on the worry cycle. So thanks John, this is exactly what I needed to hear. You always were my favourite Beatle.